You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
