you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
