I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
