I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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