Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
