Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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