Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
