I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
As shirtless as possible
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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