shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
