Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
