Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
