you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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