Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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