Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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