god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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