you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
