So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
