I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
