just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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