Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
