I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
