I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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