He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
