You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
