i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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