you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they call him Oral-B. enough said
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
