People with herpes should wear stickers.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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