Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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