wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
