I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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