you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just invented taco cereal.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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