dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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