I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
