I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
