it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
