Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
