brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
