I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize