Kiss
Puke
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
