I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
