I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I did not marry a roomba.
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