hotel room ftw
I think my fart just growled at me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
