We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
