he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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