Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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