his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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