He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
