So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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