I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
