Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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