I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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