being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
