Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
