you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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