I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize