I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
