I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
