Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
