i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I FOUND THE LEGS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
