also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
