Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
