This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
