Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
