I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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