his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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