They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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