I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
