just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
