me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
