I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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