My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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