well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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