My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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