I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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