you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
