Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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