I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
