ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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