I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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