Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The uberlube is also flammable
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
