and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
