This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
