This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize