And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
