____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Everclear isn't food dammit
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
