so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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