I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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