I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
