On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
