My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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