i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
