I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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