Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
