I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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