TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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