U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
