no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
