god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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