I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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