then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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