so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
