My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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