There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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