I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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