What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
