well I can't set my house on fire every night
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
