the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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