Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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