yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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