Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How external is "for external use only"?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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