I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
