Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
