I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You dont lie about slip and slides
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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