I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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