There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
