I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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