you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
