We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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